Regrets
by iWatchtv
Summary: Somewhat based on the christmas episode. Tiva. I'm not sure how long it'll be, but at least three chapters...at least.
1. Regrets Part One

**NOTE**: I'm not dead. I just wanted to say that. I haven't written anything for what? Two three weeks? Whatever. So basically, this is a story I wrote after watching the christmas episode online(because my stupid DVR didn't record it on tuesday.) So...yeah. I meant it as a one shot but as always I am willing to expand it in exchange for reviews. Just tell me what you think. NOt really that much Tiva. Just a little at the end.

Regrets

Tony settled into his lounge chair, eggnog in one hand, remote in the other. If he tried really hard, he could almost imagine the last few days had never happened. He hadn't spent christmas working on a case, he hadn't missed all the christmas specials on TV, he hadn't had a christmas eve feast that consisted of tiny finger sandwiches.

In the quiet sanctity of his humble apartment, time flowed backwards. It was the night of December 25th and all was well in the world. That was possible, wasn't it? The passage of time was just a concept the human psyche created millenniums ago so that the setting of the sun would have meaning. Tonight was no different than last night unless he believed it was different. Right?

He groaned and dropped his head back to stare at the ceiling.

Why the hell had he taken those philosophy classes in college? Once it got into your head, it multiplied, like a virus. Questioning your very existence and purpose generally never turned out very well for him. So why had he subjected himself to a semester of the crap? Oh, right. Chicks thought it was hot.

But even now, what had that type of thinking gotten him? Nights of amazing sex aside of course.

He let his gaze wander around his sparsely decorated living room.

In one corner, a pathetic looking Christmas tree wrapped with a single strand of lights twinkled mournfully. A stuffed Santa old enough to be considered a DiNozzo heirloom glaring reproachfully from the highest shelf of the cabinet above the television completed his collection of Christmas paraphernalia.

In all fairness, by the time the majority of his visitors arrived home with him, they were past caring about how he showed his holiday spirit and were more interested in the resiliency of his mattress.

Yet on those occasions where he didn't bring home a date, occasions gradually beginning to occur more than occasionally, it was all somewhat depressing.

What would it be like to have a wife waiting for him at home? Kids? Something to look forward to on Christmas day other than treating himself to a breakfast alone while his friends celebrated with their respective families?

His internal monologue that was slowly turning to self pity was mercifully broken by the harsh knocking at his door.

He shook his head to fully bring himself back to reality. He muted the television he didn't remember turning on and slowly made his way to the door, checking the time as he did so.

Who would want to see him at eleven o'clock on Christmas day?

He opened the door to reveal a somewhat uncomfortable Ziva doing her best not to look that way.

"Ziva...What are you doing here?"

"I suppose I have been pushing you a little to hard the past few days about your former girlfriend." She replied with a calmness so absolute it had to be fabricated. "I brought some food. You are welcome to keep it if you wish to celebrate your christmas alone." She gestured at the bag in her hand that Tony had failed to notice.

He gave it only a cursory glance before smiling warmly at his partner.

"Come on in Ziva."

She took a few cautionary steps inside, glancing side to side as if scouting hostile territory. Ironically, she was probably the most hostile thing in the room.

"So, this is the DiNozzo Christmas?" She commented, raising her eyebrow as she spotted the lonely tree.

"This is only one DiNozzo actually." He retorted dryly. "And somehow I doubt you came all the way over here to insult my inner interior decorator."

"I didn't mean to-"

He cut her off with a laugh.

"Don't worry about it," he gestured at the tree. "I will admit it's pretty pathetic. Now down to business. What ever is in that bag is really starting to smell tempting."

Ziva donned a smile to match his own.

"I know you did not eat as well as you would have wanted to for christmas, so I simply brought a few things I thought you would enjoy."

She quickly walked to the kitchen and placed the bag on the table. Within a few moments she had produced a small turkey as well as a still warm baguette and various other delectable food items.

He gazed at it in wonder.

"Wha-how did you find a bakery open this late?" He asked in wonder as he broke off a piece of the steaming bread.

She slapped his hand and grabbed it from him.

"I have my ways." She gave him one of her infuriating smiles. "Now wait until I am finished setting everything out."

He watched silently as she quickly and methodically prepared the food she had brought.

"I am finished." She announced finally, once she was satisfied everything was in it's proper place.

"Ziva..." He struggled to find the words. How did he tell her that she had kept his Christmas from being sad, depressing and downright lonely? "Just...thank you."

She smiled at him.

"Merry Christmas Tony." She said softly.

"Merry Christmas Ziva."


	2. Regrets Part Two

**Note:** As promised, here is part two, aptly named regrets: part two. Before i forget, I saw yes man last week and it had BOTH Sasha alexander AND Leon Vance (I forgot the actors name. but he's not that important, is he?). I was pretty excited. It was like old NCIS meets new NCIS in the same movie...they didn't actually have a scene together, but they were still in it. Anyway, back to the story. I'm going to have to write a third part. I kept trying to write more after the end scene in this chapter, but nothing felt right. So i'm going to have to right a whole new chapter thing. Anyway, thanks to all who reviewed last chapter and thanks to everyone who bothers reading the authors note. Hope you enjoy it. P.S., I am working on a part to to my 'about that tattoo' story. Here's a hint, read my authors note at the end of the first chapter of said story to know about part two. Here i go with this story.

Regrets Part 2

Ziva slowly swirled her wine glass, her eyes never leaving her partners'.

The silence that had recently descended upon them was comfortable without any awkwardness. It had followed their light-hearted and joking conversation as naturally as the wine that had followed dinner.

"So, Ziva, tell me again why you brought dinner." Tony finally spoke, the ghost of a smile playing over his features.

"I have told you already, I thought that I may have been too harsh on you during the case."

"So what you're trying to say is that you're..." He trailed off and gestured for her to finish the sentence.

She gave him a confused look.

"I am...here?"

"No, you're trying to say that you are..." He waited patiently for a few minutes, tolerating her blank stare. "It starts with an 's' and ends with a 'y'".

Her face turned from puzzlement to understanding and on to annoyance in rapid succession.

"You still want me to apologize after I made you a rather large christmas dinner?"

"Well...it would be nice."

"I thought apologizing was a sign of weakness." Anger beginning to tinge her voice.

"Weakness is what makes us human." Tony retorted, that insufferable, but knowing, grin on his face. The same grin that he always wore when he knew he had the upper hand.

Ziva pondered his words, anger dissipating. That...actually made sense.

"I suppose you are correct."

"So I get to hear you apologize?"

"No. I did nothing wrong."

This time it was Tony who was confused.

"But you just said that you-"

"I said that I may have been too harsh, I never said I was wrong. What I did was necessary to solve the case."

"Wha-no it didn't. How did your sniping about my past girlfriend have anything to do with the case?"

"If I had not mentioned her, you never would have realized that her father owned that company, and then we never would have learned about the law suit between him and the victims."

"Really? I thought her husband staring daggers into my back would be enough to keep my mind on her."

"Whatever." She shrugged. "Either way, I have never felt the need to apologize before, I do not see the need to do so now."

Tony was dumfounded.

"You have never, in your life, felt the need to apologize? Never felt that something you did was wrong? Never felt regret?"

"No." She replied evenly.

In Mossad, lying quickly became second nature. Not were agents taught how to lie, but also the physiology of lying.

Different parts of the brain are activated during the lying process, the heart beats faster in order to compensate as well as in response to the adrenaline released into the body.

To circumvent these effects, canned lies were encouraged. Lies that were stored in the actual memory, lies that when retrieved, were no different than memories.

It was a simple and effective.

Of course, for such a simple yes or no answer, it was much simpler. Answer before the body has a chance to respond. Do not think, merely act.

That simple 'no' lacked any truth whatsoever, but could have passed any polygraph. In fact, Ziva had passed many.

"Bullshit." Tony's comment pulled her from her reverie.

"Excuse me?" She asked startled.

"You. Are. Lying."

Ziva stared.

"If you're going to use your Mossad lying mind trick things, at least don't do it so obviously. It may work on other people, maybe even Abby and McGee, but not me.

I know that you're no emotionless android. I've seen you wallowing in pity, self doubt, I've seen you guilt-ridden, I've seen you angry, happy, sad, and everything in between. You are without a doubt the most passionate woman I've ever met, and you dare to tell me you've never felt even a twinge of regret?"

He shook his head.

"I know you Ziva. Maybe too well. I knew you would be too proud to apologize, but i thought at least you would trust me enough with the truth."

Ziva bristled.

"Do not dare to think that you know me better than anyone else DiNozzo." She spat.

"Really? So I should just forget all the nights you've spent at my place watching movies? The nights I've spent at yours?"

"No-"

"Should I forget the fact we were locked in a box together, facing death?"

"Tony-"

"I must have just imagined those nights we were married."

"That was just mission."

"That's all it was to you then? An assignment? An onerous duty?" His voice gradually increasing. "Because I seem to remember you enjoying it maybe a little to-"

"That is enough Tony." Ziva interrupted him harshly, her eyes blazing. "I hope you enjoyed the dinner. Now that I know you have eaten, I should leave." She quickly gathered her things.

"Good-bye Tony." She headed towards the door.

"Wait. Ziva..." Tony called. The Israeli paused at the threshold but did not look back, leaving him staring wistfully after her.


End file.
